You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
