Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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