you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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