my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
