You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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