Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
