Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
