ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
