just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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