just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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