My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
