Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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