you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
