Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
