just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We got so high we made milksteak
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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