yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
