i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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