i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
