The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
