I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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