Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
