wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
