On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
