Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
