Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
