so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
