Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
