Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize