i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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