If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
