ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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