He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
