I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i was born a porn star she said
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
