Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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