Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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