wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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