dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
