my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
