I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
