you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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