her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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