Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
