remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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