Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My penis needs a shock collar
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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