I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
