I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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