Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
