We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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