I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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