he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think i have two assholes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
