I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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