her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
