nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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