i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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