come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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