He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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