well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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