I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if only i could text you this smell
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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