I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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