apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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