just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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