I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize