Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
