you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
