I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's blow job season.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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