Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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