I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
