I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Life is so much better after having sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
