so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
