Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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