it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
