id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
