WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
