no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
