I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
