my mouth tastes like poor choices
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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