I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
