i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
