what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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