I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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