I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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