tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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