just come out here and I will go home with you...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
