oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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